Part III Escaping the House of Mirrors Series
Once I acknowledged that right there in the middle of Jack and the Box I was letting negative self-talk take over my emotions I paused for a moment and asked myself “Are these emotions good for me?” “Are they rational?” What “What is the evidence that I am a bad mom?” Etc. . . . Little did I know that I applied the Socratic Method to my thoughts. I found this out the very next day. Hmmmmm!!!!! Socrates taught his students brilliantly. He made them question everything, to analyze the world around them and to use critical thinking skills to open their minds. Therapists use the Socratic Method :
Which involves the creation of a series of questions to a) clarify and define problems, b) asist in the identification of thoughts, iages and assumptions, c) examine the meanings of events for the patient and d) assess the consequences of maintaining maladaptive thoughts and behaviors. By Gustavo Araujo
I have been in therapy off and on for the past thirty years. Looking back the most effective therapists have used this method with me. I wish they had taught me how to do it myself. Thankfully I had a mental breakdown a month ago and ended up in a program in which I finally learned some techniques that work. Okay, only part of me is factitious there, just wanted to let you know. II learned that I could use this method to develop a sense of what is happening in my mind. My favorite questions include:
- What is the very worst that could happen? At the restaurant the worst that could happen would be that Chase would begin acting violently or aggressively, I could raise my voice and yell at him, I could walk him out to the car and I would go hungry as we waited for the rest of the family to join us, he would scream the entire time we were in the restaurant.
- What would I do if the worst happened? I would cry, calm myself down, stay away from the customers so that they were not disturbed.
- Are I being fully objective? Not really, and I’m also thinking a bit irrationally.
- Am I having a distorted thought, or am I thinking rationally? The first time I removed him from the crowd I know that I was thinking rationally, but each subsequent time my rationality slowly went down the drain and I dove off the deep end in my thinking. Fortunately I asked myself this question and immediately began to write in my journal.
- There are a bunch of other questions I could ask myself, including the ones found in Bournes book Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Also Dr. Bridgette Ross had some really thought provoking question on her blog. You might want to check her out!
These work for me. Since magnification seems to be my number one distorted thought I have found it helpful to stop for a moment and think about the worst case scenario. Before therapy I never asked the other three questions. I would stop at that first question. I am a bit of a drama queen. I remember playing with my bears and dolls in our living room in Arkansas at about the age of five. For some reason I started thinking about what would happen if my brown bear died. All of a sudden I totally felt the full panorama of emotions – what would happen at the funeral, what would I do without my bear. My life was over. I don’t remember how I got out of the negative emotions, but I find it interesting that this memory hopped into my brain 35 years later. I had distorted thoughts as young as 5? I’m grateful for my therapy program, and for a friend suggesting Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Being able to stop and question my thoughts has been invaluable.
Once I recognized that irrational thoughts were taking over I took a deep breath. My husband then came over and offered to take him on a walk. Why didn’t I think of that???????? At least I was then able to relax and begin the arduous task of distracting myself.
Linked with the following posts:
- Part I – Introduction
- Part II – Becoming Aware
- Part III – Stop and Question.
- Part IV – Relax
- Part V – Write Inner Dialogue
- Part VI – Identify and write: Cognitive distortions and Positive Counter-Statements
S.M.A.R.T. Living 